Opening Your Very Own McDojo

We have noticed that there is a franchise of martial arts that is popular these days. They are known as McDojo(s). What is a McDojo then? Generally, a McDojo is a school that teaches a watered-down and/or impractical form of martial arts (sometimes a combination) for the sole purpose of making money.

Below are the criteria we feel make a good McDojo so that you can start right to earn the coins! Do note that many legitimate martial arts schools may have some of these signs if only for the purpose of keeping the dojo in good financial standing. All we can say is, you do you!

First, let’s talk about the Dojo itself.

1. Claim that your dojo is an “award winning dojo”.
   You do not have to any evidence to back this up
2. Instruct your instructors to have the dojo’s decals on their vehicles.
3. Add a sign somewhere that says something along the lines of guaranteeing a black belt
4. Your dojo sign must have one of these words ‘traditional’, ‘commando’, ‘classical’, ‘effective’, ‘100%’, ‘original’, ‘dragon’, ‘Japanese’, ‘secret’ and ‘elite’ in its name or motto.
5. Fill your dojo with trophies. So much so that every time you take a step towards any direction in a kata, you’re actually stepping on a trophy. These trophies must be vague and untraceable.
6. If the budget permits, design and create your own dojo mascot!
7. Make sure that the first thing that greets your students when they enter the dojo is the cash register. So that they know money talks.
8. Slowly instill the notion of “The Dojo is always RIGHT. Everywhere else is always wrong.”
9. When you create your dojo’s website, do not put anything related to the art you’re teaching but ONLY reference “empowerment”, “mindfulness”, “concentration” and maybe tournament results.

Next is the uniforms and operations.

1. Ensure you have multicolored uniforms and belts for each minute level. This is where the money maker is at! Do not forget that the items can ONLY be bought at the Dojo and nowhere else! Also, do not forget to print the Dojo’s website and contact number at the back of the “gi”.
2. Fill up the “gi” with countless badges. Each badge is more ka-ching and tell the students it represents something more by having more badges (like in boy/girl scouts)
3. To earn even more, you can further divide the belts into colored tabs to denote quarter or half ranks.
4. Ensure that your instructors wear special ‘instructor belts’, rather than regular belts, reflecting their true ranking.
5. Don’t forget that for those who are willing to pay heftily, you can award them the black belt in 1-2 years with hardly any training. You should also try the mail order version which saves time!
6. From time to time, you can also offer a special course to obtain said black belt within 6 months or less. No harm in having 7-12 year olds black belts.
7. Make sure that each advancement in rank is expensive and at least 50% higher than the market rate.
8. There is no viewing or trial classes. You have to ensure prospective students are required to become a member or subscribe before anything else.
9. When possible, be sure that students must pay for an entire year up front, no refunds (long-term contracts with no termination clauses).

Finally, you as an instructor / master

1. Do not spar or fight with your students as you “don’t want to hurt them” because you have created this style that is still “traditional” and have several advantages compared to other styles.
2. Create as many kata as possible so there is always something to learn and never enough time to finish learning them.
3. Always come up with some fantasy moves that you can describe but never show and refuse to teach because they are “too deadly”.
4. A sure fire way to set yourself apart is by harnessing and teaching ki/chi power, no-touch knockout, or one-touch-sure-kill.
5. It’s alright if you fail to explain the meaning of any given technique. These forbidden techniques can be taught to some students only (those that are willing to pay a little extra).
6. Always demand respect. You don’t have time to earn it, unless they paying extra!
7. If all else fails, at least train to sound like a motivational speaker to keep the students hanging on.
8. If possible, register your fists as “deadly weapons” with the local police authorities. They may let you get away with it if you give them a little something-something if you know what we mean 😉
9. To further establish yourself, seldom teach hands-on, use your assistants for that. Moreover, discourage cross training as this will give some students awareness that the jig is up! To do so, you can always talk down other schools and disciplines.

With these general guidelines, we hope that you can start of your franchising of your very own McDojo and that the more of these you apply, the higher success rate it is you will be able to secure your position as a fast earning substance-less martial arts that is about feeding off naïve individuals and gaining control over them.

NOTE: We hope that the readers understand the sarcastic undertone this piece is written in. We are not saying that if your dojo has one or a few of these points that you are running a McDojo. We just hope to create awareness among individuals and advise to always do your research first prior to attending any classes.